My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
