why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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