We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
