You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
