Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
