If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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