so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
