my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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