everyone is single if you try hard enough
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
