"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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