Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
