let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
