There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
