once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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