I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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