apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
