I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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