Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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