You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
