explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
