Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
