Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
