Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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