i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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