dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
