if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
