And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize