Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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