I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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