dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize