I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
