No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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