those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize