I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can u get pink eye on your cock?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
