These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
