there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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