dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
