I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
