The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
