i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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