he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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