Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
