wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
