Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
