dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
