I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
