you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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