worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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