I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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