Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
