She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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