so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
