It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
