i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
