If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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