i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize