dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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