when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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