So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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