hotel room ftw
i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
