yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
