I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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