Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize