Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
