so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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