i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
