I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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