Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
