once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
