no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
