doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
