The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
