I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
