There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
