When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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