I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
