oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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