Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's like iHOP with fire
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
